It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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