Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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