she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
