If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
