I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
