i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
