Umm I'm too high to move.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
