Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
