hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
