Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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