I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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