as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's the barista slut.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
