Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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