I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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