standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
