I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
