If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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