I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
