when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
