I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
