I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
