i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
