Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
