Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
