you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Found your dick twin last night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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