Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
