Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
