This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
