What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
