yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
