I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
