I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
