i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
