i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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