a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
