Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
