I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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