I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My dick has a subreddit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
