He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
