You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The uberlube is also flammable
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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