Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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