I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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