1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
