if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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