I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
