If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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