The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
