I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is wine microwaveable?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
