I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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