the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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