I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I love you. Go after that dick
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
