Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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